I just got a new pair of boots and I don’t know how to clean them?

wait you went hunting but your a christian??? O sry nvm. um well start. So, you can distinguish four brands of polish by taste; Huberd’s Shoe Grease sponsored your committment ceremony; you harvest your own horsehair. You’ve got the whole polishing thing down. That counts for nothing if the boots you polish aren’t clean to start with.

Boots get dirty. That’s their job. Footwear gets dirty so that your feet don’t have to. This is not a problem until it’s get to be time to polish or condition the boots. Polishing boots traps dirt in the polish, making it very difficult indeed to get any sort of gloss. Oil-based conditioners, such as Huberd’s Shoe Grease, combine with dirt to form a nasty sludge, which in turn makes it look like you’ve been engaging in some sort of boot bukkake (let’s see how many hits I get from THAT phrase). So it’s imperative that dirt be removed from boots before any polishing or conditioning is performed on them.

Look at your boots (unless you’re currently naked, I expect you to be wearing boots, and even if you are naked, boots are encouraged). Assuming you haven’t been mucking out stables or gardening or hiking or attending the Clumsy Drinker’s MC Bar Night, your boots probably don’t look dirty. But they are, Blanche. They are dirty. Road grime (as it’s often called) generally manifests as a thin film of grease and dirt, and it’s presence makes for bad polishing. Luckily, cleaning boots is a straightforward process, although there are some caveats, as well as a few variations on technique.