help me with writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please?

Evelyn woke up in pain. Not, “Ouch, I broke a bone” pain but “ this is really uncomfortable” kind of pain. She had felt this kind of pain before, so she brushed it off. Jerking her eyes open, she looked up to see the bright, golden sun beaming straight into her eyes. She jumped backwards and her feet became completely submerged in water. Looking around she saw where she was. Sandy beaches, towering trees and roaring waves surrounded her. She looked at the ground where she had been laying. It was a pretzel in the sand.
“How did I get here?” she wondered
She called her friend, Pagee’s name and her blonde haired green-eyed friend came running to greet her.
“Where are we?” Evelyn howled at her.
Pagee told her that they landed on a strange island off the coast of Africa and that the plane had crashed and the ended up here. Evelyn heard a rumbling noise coming from her stomach. Pagee looked at her confused, and then burst towards the jungle and Evelyn scampered after her like a lost puppy.
Reaching the jungle she saw Pagee flinging herself towards a vine. She grabbed the vine and climbed up it and then fell. She stood up with a banana in her hand. Evelyn giggled. In a time of crisis leave it to Pagee to find food. Pagee peeled it, stuffed it in her mouth. They ran back to the beach together.
“ So, what are we going to do?” Evelyn asked.
“ I don’t know, and this place scares me,” Pagee replied as she stuffed her face.
“ How are we going to get home?”
“ That, I don’t know either, and it scares me even more.
Erin had felt the crash, but the last thing he remembered was the seatbelt light flicking on. Parker, on the other hand, remembers everything from the seatbelt light turning on to silently watching the plane float away. He remembers dragging Eric, his best friend, onto the beach and watching his limp, lifeless body lay on the sand. Parker still shocked from what had happened curled up and went to sleep.
Evelyn likes adventure. That is why Pagee is her best friend and what a perfect place to have one than on an island.
The sun woke her up to reveal Pagee dangling from a vine. Pagee then swung, grabbed another vine and kept going. She came running back and started again.
“Wait Pagee!” Evelyn yelled to her. She grabbed a vine and took off after her.
Seeing Pagee climb up the tallest tree on the island, she stopped and climbed up it too. They sat at the top and looked out. The view was amazing. They could see for miles in all directions: golden pyramids of Egypt, dark murky waters of the Nile and millions of miles of endless ocean.
“ Wow!” they yelled together and they giggled until they fell out of the tree. They grabbed a vine and swung back towards the beach.
Erin woke up abruptly when he heard screaming in the distance. When he opened his eyes he saw a spear sticking out of the ground like the sword and the stone. There was an identical one laying on the ground beside it. By the spear he saw a trail of footsteps. He quickly followed them not thinking about who they belonged to.
When he reached the end of the steps he saw Parker trying to start a fire. Erin asked him what the spears were for.
“ Fish” was all that came out of his mouth. He rushed to the beach and grabbed a spear. He walked into the water and stood with a skillful look on his face.
He stabbed a spear at the water as if he wanted to destroy it. As he pulled it out of the water Erin caught a glimpse of a golden fish about four foot long trying to free itself from the sharp spear.
“Aha! We’re eating good tonight!” He ran up to Erin, handed him the spear, and ran back into the water. He took his jacket off, dipped it in the water, and layed the golden fish on top of it.
“ Come hunt with me!” he yelled smiling a toothy smile from ear to ear.
Erin grabbed the other spear and took off towards the water.
When the boys had waded into chest deep water, Erin noticed that a fin was poking out of the water. The silver beast swam slowly towards them. Erin saw the wide, open gills sticking out of the water, and he knew what it was. A shark. It swam swiftly towards them with his wedge shaped body wriggling as it got closer. He opened his mouth and flashed his pearly white teeth. They sparkled under the sunlight like the misty gray eyes above them. His eyes were the eyes of a killer. As they sparkled under the afternoon light they became red as the gums holding his massive triangle teeth in his mouth. He nudged Parker and they ran back to the fire. Parker made the fish while Erin swung off on a vine to find water.
Evelyn swung and hit something hard that mae her crash to the ground. She looked up and saw a red-headed freckled boy about her age sitting in front of her. He let his name escape from his mouth. She replied that her name was Evelyn, and she took him back to her camp.
Erin followed Evelyn back to the beach after they found Parker sitting by the fire eating fish. When they got back to their camp Pag
oh btw just tell me like what needs improvement and like if i need to change anything! please help! oh and i did write it by myself